Maybe in some circles I am yet to be invited to, Michael Curtiz’s We’re No Angels is already adored as the Christmas classic it clearly is. This French farce from the director of Casablanca was released the year after Curtiz’s other classic, White Christmas. Clearly in the mood for something a little more left-field after making that, We’re No Angels is a strange and slightly dark film that is the very opposite of white. Based on a play by Albert Husson, the film oozes that one set feel from the start, set over the course of one day with many instances of people overhearing conversations. Set in French Guiana, which borders Brazil, it is a hot film with scarce mention of Christmas after the Christmas Eve meal. Maybe that won’t matter but the Christmas scoreboard shall reveal all.
The Christmas Story
Three convicts have escaped from the notorious Devil’s Island (the very same penal colony is the focus of Papillon) and are plotting their escape. They plan to rob a tailor’s store so that they can go incognito and hopefully find their way onto an outbound ship. However, when casing the joint they overhear the family’s many woes: a man who is running a failing business that is about to be audited by his ass of a cousin, a girl who is in love with the young nephew of that ass of a cousin, and a “delicious fat lady” who refuses to settle her tab. Bogart’s character declares “they're prisoners too like us” and so it is decided that they shall not steal from the family and instead they shall help them out of their various woes. The three convicts are played beautifully by Humphrey Bogart, Peter Ustinov and Aldo Ray, each giving the pitch perfect portrayal of their respective stereotypes. Ustinov is however the standout. He is full of bizarre little asides and has his classical British accent donned in a prime piece of juxtaposition “no one has been nice to me since 1891”. You have to admit that 3 convicts embracing their talents in larceny for good is pretty joyful and triumphant.
5/5
The Voice of Christmas
The daughter of the shopkeeper is undeniably the voice of Christmas here. She does however endlessly faint, but that doesn’t make her lessons erroneous. It is her who plants the idea in the convicts’ heads that they are flawed angels and probably stops them from robbing them. Furthermore, she is a strong independent woman and very quickly figures out that the boy she fancies was just a bit of a shit really. I’d struggle to think of many more lessons she teaches, We’re No Angles isn’t in the habit of shoving morals down our throats.
3/5
The Annoying Kid at Christmas
This film aims to create villains by simply making them really annoying, and the great news is all of them get their comeuppance in ways I shall not divulge here for fear of ruining how spectacularly silly it all is. In fact, my favourite scene revolves around the convicts slowly deciding whether or not to help out. The most annoying of all however, the aforementioned deliciously large lady, does not receive any harsh treatment. She is forced to pay her bill at the shop but apart from that she never gets a pie in her face or thrown in the ocean or something, oh well.
3/5
The Christmas Miracle
Two murderers and a crook washing the dishes of a family they were about to rob only hours prior, doing the accounts, sweeping the floors, selling hairbrushes to a bald man and a small jacket to a fat one. Truly these are miracles that only the joys of Christmas could create. Jules even says “It’s a kind of miracle as if the whole thing were arranged” this might be the first film we’ve looked at that actually admits having a miracle right in its script. In the end, they decide to send themselves back to jail because it wasn’t all that bad after all. Not only do we have nice criminals, we have nice criminals who go back to prison of their own accord. So even if they do go to shank Steve McQueen “if things don’t work out right we’ll do it again next year”.
5/5
The Christmas Message
The film opens with the shopkeeper declaring “I have nothing to give except for love and that’s worth nothing” and the film really doesn’t do anything to address this. Maybe the message is that criminals are people too, with their own sad story explaining how they became the crooks they are. Jules’ wife cheated on him on Christmas day after all, who can blame him for horrifically murdering her………hmm. This film might be a little too sympathising now that I think about it. But they play it with a wink and a nod, always letting you know that none of this is direly sincere. In terms of an uplifting message let’s just say this, it didn’t make me feel rubbish.
3/5
Additional Points
-It really doesn’t leave you with a Christmas tingle -3
-It’s a really great film though +2
-But that’s not what this list is about -2
-yeah but go on +2
-Okay, just -1
Conclusion
If my slight nervous breakdown at the end didn’t give you any clues, I do really love this film. It’s funny, daft, entertaining and just so well acted. For any of you who don’t have that sweet tooth for sugary sweet Christmas films but still want the fun, We’re No Angels should be your first port of call. A great addition to anyone’s new Christmas film roster.
17/25
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