12 Days of Christmas: Day 6 - The Shop Around The Corner

It's a Wonderful Life is, if we all subtract our personal opinions from the equation, almost certainly the greatest Christmas film of all time. Not only that, it is a straight up and down great film for any time of the year. Now of course there is longlist of important people who made that film the juggernaut it is today. But at the centre of that, it is clear that without the calm and steady hand of Cinemazov's favourite actor James Stewart, It's a Wonderful Life would not be the marvel that it is. By that logic it would seem clear that Jimmy possesses the Midas touch. You could continue along that train of thought and conclude that in some ways The Shop Around The Corner is the Jimmy Stewart Christmas sequel we've all been seeking. Well of course The Shop Around The Corner came out 6 years before It's a Wonderful Life and is in no way associated with that wonderful movie apart from one: Christmas! It'd be unfair to compare any film to something so untouchable in my eyes as It's a Wonderful Life but I am afraid that in many ways it is inevitable. However, this isn't a comparative essay. This is something far more important! To the Christmas scale...

The Christmas Story
A couple are exchanging anonymous letters around Christmas and don't realise that the person they are falling in love with is also the person they are working with who they simply loathe and despise. Later Alfred Kralik (James Stewart) figures out that the girl he loves is this girl who he also hates. The moment of him figuring out that his first impression of her was very wrong is the Christmassy part of all of this. It also brings some classic misunderstandings like him trying to convince her to get her boyfriend a wallet and not a cigar box. Kralik has already won her heart through letters but just can't convince her to like him in person.  
4/5        

The Voice of Christmas
When asked how he will spend his Christmas, Ferencz Vadas says to Mr. Matsuchek "Just my wife my little boy and myself, and we are very happy". He is so sincere and unassuming that this comment sorta hit me hard. Even as you read it now, it seems tremendously unimportant, but in a film full of drama and misunderstandings Vadas is calm and loving. 
4/5  

The Annoying Kid at Christmas
I don't want to keep harping on about It's a Wonderful Life but my lord this is too much of a coincidence is pass up. The shop owner Mr. Matuschek hires to Private investigator to track his wife as he suspects her of having an affair. The P.I. tells him that he is indeed right, she is having an affair and he goes off to kill himself. Well the P.I. is the same gosh damn actor who plays the tax man in It's a Wonderful Life, Charles Halton, who causes all the trouble that gets Jimmy Stewart to try and commit suicide! What's more annoying than a guy who not only gets the nicest man in the world in trouble but also gets a guy to commit suicide. I'll tell you what's more annoying, being oblivious to all the damage you are causing! He is not the only annoyance. There is the shop clerk who was actually the one having the affair. His comeuppance is spectacular. After the boss tells Jimmy just to simply fire him, he gets him to do all sorts of ridiculous and tedious tasks. Oh and then there is the young guy who saves Mr. Matuschek life. Once he gets promoted to clerk he just fucks with all the assholes and gets work done. He then turns into an asshole himself so there is a little bit of depth to the world that hints as a perpetual cycle of asshole.
5/5 

The Christmas Miracle
Well a man recovers from a suicide attempt and finds a friend for Christmas, It's not really a miracle but it is nice. 
3/5

The Christmas Message  
Not judging people on first impressions, whilst not a particularly Christmassy message, is a great lesson for all seasons. A cliche that no one really pays much attention to. 
3/5    

Additional Points  
-People really hate that cigar box and it's great advice, don't buy a musical cigar box for Christmas +1
-Old Christmas is just so cosy +1
-Consumerist Christmas is a bit icky really -1
-No one is left alone at the end +1
-It ends just before Christmas day -1 

Conclusion    
James Stewart knows how to get all intense and romantic and when he admits his love to Klara at the end you can't help but be swept up. Let's just forget It's a Wonderful life. It is sincerely in all ways a masterpiece. The Shop Around the Corner however is a Christmas film not to be missed. It's funny and romantic and actually quite a bit Christmassy.   

21/25     

12 Days of Christmas: Day 5 - Tangerine

Do me a favour really quickly would you? Have a look on your phone at what was the last video you recorded on it. The last video I took was a shaky, blurry and incredibly poorly filmed video of a party that was being hosted at my workplace, specifically when the DJ played Tina Turner's classic pop anthem 'The Best' - it's a far from compelling narrative featuring a distinct lack of focus and several bored and confused looking bystanders. Quite frankly it's a poor video - I sent it to some of my friends who I went on holiday with to Bulgaria and even to them, who were in on the niche Tina Turner moments I was referencing, were far from impressed. 

Sean Baker's incredible comedy drama about transgender prostitutes in LA was shot entirely on an iPhone 5s, entirely. Puts my Tina Turner video to such shame I may as well smash my phone and post the parts FAO Turner and Baker. It's a wonderful wonderful film made all the more exciting and engaging and exhilarating because of its iPhone 5 filming style. Tangerine is deservedly raking in rave reviews, featuring on several prominent "best of year" lists and it is well worth your time and attention BUT that's not why we are here. 

The Christmas Story

Y'know how in the intro for "Trading Places" I mentioned how some films that are associated with Christmas only really earn that association based purely on the film in question being set around the festive period? "Tangerine" takes that idea and hurls it against the wall. The story is thus, fresh out of a 28-day stint in prison, transgender prostitute Sin-Dee is told by her BFF Alexandra that her pimp BF has been sleeping with some chick whose name begins with D while she's been doing time. Sin-Dee (who is self-proclaimed "fierce as f**k") is justifiably whipped into a frenzy and rages through Tinseltown on Christmas Eve trying to track down, and enact some street justice, on that no good Chester and the tramp he's been cheating with. 

Apart from the date upon which this rampage of revenge takes place there is hardly anything "Christmassy" about Tangerine's Christmas story. 

This film is great but... 

0/5

The Voice of Christmas

Karo - the Armenian cab driver who Razmik's mother in law enlists to help her track down her wayward son in law. He's the only one who mentions Christmas in a positive light, the only one who mentions it in a pure 'tis the season kind of way. Everyone else mentions the time of year in an effort to get something sordid or questionable or to get out of a sticky ordeal. Karo however has this exchange with Razmik's Ma in law -

Karo - this weather in LA doesn't help set the holiday mood. 

Ma in Law - there's no Christmas without snow. 

Karo - Christmas is Christmas regardless of the weather. 

BLAM!!! HOW DAMN VOICE OF CHRISTMAS IS THAT?!!? 

4/5 

Additional point for the guy in Razmik's cab, clearly feeling worse for wear, who after vomiting in the cab and on his friend is dragged out and before being sick again yells "IT’S CHRISTMAS EVE WHERE’S YOUR CHRISTMAS SPIRIT? IT’S CHRISTMAS EVE!!! *vomits*" 

+ 1 

The Annoying Kid at Christmas

The one kid we see in Tangerine is really cute, and it seems her best friend is a husky, that's the ideal kid at Christmas. The accolade of annoying kid at Christmas has to go for Razmik's mother in law, she's such a meddling loud mouth who can't keep her nose out of her daughter's family's business. They're all just trying to have a lovely Christmas Eve and she's being a right irksome so and so at the table - she's really oh so very annoying. I understand that she has her daughter's best interests at heart but she just goes about it in the absolute worst way. She doesn't have the Christmas spirit whatsoever. Booooooooooo. 

4/5 

The Christmas Miracle

Uhm. Hmmm. There's a... Ah. 

Pass. 

0/5

The Christmas Message

I suppose the Christmas lesson that we can learn from Tangerine is that this is the season to be there for the people who matter to you, regardless of how foolhardy the endeavour is. Alexandra is there for Sin-Dee and it is only when the drama she alleges to oppose becomes too much that she bails. But that just makes it all the more sweeter when they reunite and realise that despite their flaws and imperfections they truly are best friends. After all isn't that what Christmas is really about? Being there through thick and thin for the people that truly matter, and supporting them. "CLAP! Clap for her!" 

3/5 

Additional Points

- the whole thing is filmed on an iPhone. That's amazing. + 1 

- but it's not really all that Christmassy -1 

- but c'mon it's a flipping fantastic film +1 

- yeah but we're here to assess a film Christmassy-ness -1 

- come on... I'll be your friend? + 1 

- No. -1 

- Oh you're mean. 

The whole party room scene is fantastic. 

Tangerine boasts some incredible lines - 

"Oh girl. Another black boy on a board. They all think they goddamn Li'l Wayne." 

"HERE COMES BIG SH*T THOMPSON!" 

"We're buddies now; we've sucked the same c*ck." 

Conclusion
There are a lot of folk who yearn for an alternative Christmas film. A film more subversive and less twee than traditional feel-good festive fare. People flock to the Die Hards and the Trading Places, get all excited for the Rare Exports and the The Night Befores. But I would like to say right now, that if you are truly TRULY genuinely after an alternative subversive festive flick then Tangerine is the new crown ruler of that title - Tangerine: the ultimate alternative Christmas classic. 

12/25

P.S. If it were on any other scale I'd score Tangerine oh so highly but on a Christmas Classic scale... Alas.

12 Days of Christmas: Day 4 - The Holiday

It was nice having Sam for a day instead of me wasn’t it? He was the substitute teacher who came in for the day and you just did whatever you liked and had a good time. I guess in that scenario I am the full-time teacher that stresses everyone out and makes students cry. Wow, I really don’t come out well in this metaphor. Maybe I’ll just move onto the film we are looking at today so quiet in the back. 

Today we are having a look at the Nancy Meyers’ Romantic Comedy The Holiday. It’s a film that, in my humble opinion, is about getting through Christmas as a lovelorn thirty-something single woman. Now if it isn’t already exceedingly clear, these 12 days and their 25 day predecessor is an incredibly biased set of film reviews that are solely based on their writers’ feelings toward Christmas and how it should best be represented. I am not a lovelorn thirty-something single woman. So let’s just go ahead and see how Christmassy it makes me feel. 

Wait, actually before we start let me say this: the film skips Christmas day. It goes Eve ——— Boxing day then flies right off to New Year so that’s -5 straight from the off thus making this the first film to start with minus points. Good luck guys. 

The Christmas Story

Cameron Diaz and Kate Winslet play two women who are really terrible with their hearts. Winslet is throwing it all over the place and is happy to play second fiddle as long as she can stare at this curly headed fuck who is just the biggest asshole in the world. Meanwhile Diaz is exceedingly practical and can’t even cry despite the fact she wouldn’t mind crying every now and then. It’s sorta like a really poorly thought out adaptation of Sense & Sensibility. They both come to the identical conclusion that they need to just leave the country and avoid men and love and just focus on themselves, so they house swap. They then meet men and they solve their problems. Oh also, it’s the Christmas holidays, so you’ll see snow sometimes and maybe a tree. 

1/5

The Voice of Christmas 

So Winslet swaps places with Diaz and that puts Winslet right on Sunset Blvd. right next to an elderly ex-screenwriter. He is the one part of this film that did make me feel oddly Christmassy. Maybe it’s just old people, but he is wise and comforting. He also teaches Kate Winslet’s character to respect herself and not just be some side girl. None of which are particularly Christmassy lessons. But to be sure, self-respect shouldn’t be sniffed at no matter what the holiday is.  

3/5

The Annoying Kid at Christmas 

The two children that star in this film are horrifically cloying but undeniably pretty cute. It’s annoying how they are used as emotional leverage but let’s not get bitchy about this film. Let us go back to the curly headed fuckboi who messes with Kate Winslet. My god he is a shit. I think every time he showed up I verbally abused him. He is just a worthless human being and from minute one any viewer can tell he is bad news and barely even attractive. The down point is that he receives absolutely no comeuppance. He is used by Winslet as the stepping stone into maturity but really you are left wanting him to be left naked in a ditch somewhere, or at least for the film to end with the lady he was planning on marrying finding out he is a worthless crock pot of bile and leave him. 

3/5

The Christmas Miracle  

Jack Black

5/5

The Christmas Message

Be your own woman but also find a man ‘cause you can’t function without one…

0/5

Additional Points

-Jack Black +2

-This was the only picture I could find that was Christmassy -1

Conclusion 

Christmas time rom-coms are a brilliant combination. You only need to look at the modern Christmas classic Love, Actually to see that. But here we see a run of the mill rom-com that slots itself into the winter season with the dream of becoming a great Christmas film by association. I may be being overly harsh but I’m doing this in my free time and appeasing fans of The Holiday isn’t really what I’m shooting for here. I’m sure Star Wars VII: The Force Awakens is a better Christmas film than The Holiday but it’s not like we’d be stupid enough to review that now would we…

8/25

12 Days of Christmas: Day 3 - Trading Places (Sam)

4 years ago when Joe and I first undertook our sterling festive film cavalcade we stuffed those 25 days full of our full-on, all-time fave Christmas films ever. At that point I was giddy that I could waste time watching and writing about Christmas films that at no point did I stop and think “hey, wait. maybe we shouldn't do home alone 1 & 2 just in case we decided in 4 years’ time that we'd like to do another brothers cinemazov Christmas film watching thing and need some Christmas classics to fall back on.” That thought never crossed my mind. Which is why now we're having to search far and wide and really rack our brains to come up with 12 Christmas films that we haven't already covered. Now, I couldn't agree more I'd love nothing more than for me to just watch Die Hard again BUT THAT’S NOT HOW THIS WORKS! It struck me when thinking of potential Christmas films for this new list that sometime last year I'd endeavoured, but failed, to watch Trading Places. I'd seen it on some BFI “best Christmas films list” list and thought “Murphy! Akroyd! Christmas! Count me in!” and just like that I didn't watch it and watched “Jingle all the way” instead. So, what better time to broaden my Christmas film horizons and watch something I haven't seen before and something that IMDB user 'caspian1978' describes as “…funny yes, but there is so much more.” Intrigued? Then let us begin.

The Christmas Story

Now, this is one of those Christmas films that's only real link to the season is that it's set in the season. The film centres around the twin might of comedic juggernauts Dan Akroyd and Eddie Murphy, Akroyd plays Louis Winthorpe III the kind of man who has a butler, plays the stock market, attends “The Club” and is asked to be “the fourth in a game of squash this weekend”. Murphy plays the counterpart to this elite well-to-do snobbish investor in the form of the homeless, imaginative and ostentatious Billy Ray Valentine. The brothers whom Akroyd works for, Randolph & Mortimer (modelled methinks after the muppets' resident crabs Statler & Waldorf, albeit more evil) set the film’s wheels in motion when they make a wager that they can use their power, money and influence to switch Louis & Billy Ray's lives around. Whilst not a traditionally Christmassy story Landis does litter every scene with Christmas decorations, Salvation Army fundraising, Santa outfits and a slight sprinkling of slushy snow. So I guess 1.5 for the story and 0.5 for some great Christmas setting moments.

2/5

The Voice of Christmas

Eeeesshhhhh. This is really a tough one. No one ever really embodies the true pleasing voice of Christmas. Sure people say “Christmas” or “Happy Christmas” a few times but at no point does anyone really vocalise what it is that makes this a joyously festive Christmas treat.

My two contenders for this one (and earning a point each) is when Ophelia tells Louis to stay in bed coz “nobody works on Christmas Eve” - that at least goes some of the way to showing that Christmas is a time to look after people and focus on the holidays and not on idle matters like work or getting better. 

Second is when, on Christmas Day, after Coleman & Billy Ray have saved Louis from his spiral of self-destruction and begin to formulate a plan to get back at the wicked Duke Brothers, Coleman appears with a bowl of eggnog (that looks like just a big bowl of melted ice cream) and all but shouts “Egg Nog?!”

2/5

The Annoying Kid at Christmas

Whilst devoid of kids, Trading Places definitely fills this category to the utmost. The abominable, despicable, reprehensible, money hungry Duke Brothers, Randolph & Mortimer. They really are chaps devoid of any moral fibre and I suppose end up being less annoying and more, downright evil. When they formulate their plan to ruin Louis' life they remark that they've “done it before” and even Coleman after hearing of the plan calls them Scumbags. They really are excellent baddies to rally against rather than being irked by the “annoying kid” I found myself aching for them to do more diabolical things so that when their inevitable Christmas downfall came it'd be all the more sweet. Top scumbags.

4/5

The Christmas Miracle

When we first meet Billy Ray, he is pretending to be a blind amputee war veteran. Here is a man who has been toughened up to life on the streets - when he's in the slammer we see how he's learnt to defend himself and distort the truth to earn the respect of those who threaten him. When he is being chased by the fuzz he is spry, fast and quick witted, keen to escape incarceration. The Christmas miracle, as far as I'm concerned, in Trading Places is how amazingly fast he adapts and embraces his new well-to-do life, it is lightning fast. In one scene he's dressed up impressing the patrons at the bar revelling in his newfound wealth and fortune but in the very next moment when they're having a crazy wild time at his house he is all of a sudden massively formal and incredibly agitated by everyone's disrespect, lack of coaster usage and excess of toplessness. That's not the Billy Ray he once was. He takes to his new position like a duck to water - a Christmas miracle for the ages.

4/5

The Christmas Message

Hmm.

Don't bet on people's lives and well-being? 

Buy lots of pork bellies?

Don't look a Christmas gift horse in the mouth?

DO look a Christmas gift horse in the mouth? 

Don't do drugs? 

If two crotchety old strangers offer to inexplicably change your life for the better, have a good think before you say yes? 

Next question please.

0/5

Additional Lines

The amazing lines - + 1

“When I was young if we wanted a jacuzzi we had to fart in the tub.”

“MONKEY! MONKEY! I'M A F**KING GORILLA YOU CLOWN!” 

“I'll rip out your eyes and piss on your brain.”

The guy in the lock up who just says “YEAH.” + 1

Dan Akroyd in black face. - 1

The fact that Paul Gleason, the chap who plays Clarence Beeks, is not only the principal in The Breakfast Club but also Deputy Police Chief Dwayne T. Robinson in Die Hard. And that he gets raped by a gorilla and doesn't die. + 2

Conclusion

How does John Landis' 1983 Christmas comedy caper measure up to the greatest Christmas film that there ever has been (The Polar Express)? It doesn't. 

It's good, don't get me wrong. I did quite a few LOLs and really enjoyed watching it, heck, I'll probably watch it again but it's just not Christmassy enough for me. DAMN HECK ASS NOWHERE NEAR CHRISTMASSY ENOUGH! Still. Good film though.

15/25

12 Days of Christmas: Day 2 - We're No Angels (1955)

Maybe in some circles I am yet to be invited to, Michael Curtiz’s We’re No Angels is already adored as the Christmas classic it clearly is. This French farce from the director of Casablanca was released the year after Curtiz’s other classic, White Christmas. Clearly in the mood for something a little more left-field after making that, We’re No Angels is a strange and slightly dark film that is the very opposite of white. Based on a play by Albert Husson, the film oozes that one set feel from the start, set over the course of one day with many instances of people overhearing conversations. Set in French Guiana, which borders Brazil, it is a hot film with scarce mention of Christmas after the Christmas Eve meal. Maybe that won’t matter but the Christmas scoreboard shall reveal all.

The Christmas Story

Three convicts have escaped from the notorious Devil’s Island (the very same penal colony is the focus of Papillon) and are plotting their escape. They plan to rob a tailor’s store so that they can go incognito and hopefully find their way onto an outbound ship. However, when casing the joint they overhear the family’s many woes: a man who is running a failing business that is about to be audited by his ass of a cousin, a girl who is in love with the young nephew of that ass of a cousin, and a “delicious fat lady” who refuses to settle her tab. Bogart’s character declares “they're prisoners too like us” and so it is decided that they shall not steal from the family and instead they shall help them out of their various woes. The three convicts are played beautifully by Humphrey Bogart, Peter Ustinov and Aldo Ray, each giving the pitch perfect portrayal of their respective stereotypes. Ustinov is however the standout. He is full of bizarre little asides and has his classical British accent donned in a prime piece of juxtaposition “no one has been nice to me since 1891”. You have to admit that 3 convicts embracing their talents in larceny for good is pretty joyful and triumphant. 

5/5

The Voice of Christmas

The daughter of the shopkeeper is undeniably the voice of Christmas here. She does however endlessly faint, but that doesn’t make her lessons erroneous. It is her who plants the idea in the convicts’ heads that they are flawed angels and probably stops them from robbing them. Furthermore, she is a strong independent woman and very quickly figures out that the boy she fancies was just a bit of a shit really. I’d struggle to think of many more lessons she teaches, We’re No Angles isn’t in the habit of shoving morals down our throats.

3/5

The Annoying Kid at Christmas

This film aims to create villains by simply making them really annoying, and the great news is all of them get their comeuppance in ways I shall not divulge here for fear of ruining how spectacularly silly it all is. In fact, my favourite scene revolves around the convicts slowly deciding whether or not to help out. The most annoying of all however, the aforementioned deliciously large lady, does not receive any harsh treatment. She is forced to pay her bill at the shop but apart from that she never gets a pie in her face or thrown in the ocean or something, oh well. 

3/5

The Christmas Miracle

Two murderers and a crook washing the dishes of a family they were about to rob only hours prior, doing the accounts, sweeping the floors, selling hairbrushes to a bald man and a small jacket to a fat one. Truly these are miracles that only the joys of Christmas could create. Jules even says “It’s a kind of miracle as if the whole thing were arranged” this might be the first film we’ve looked at that actually admits having a miracle right in its script. In the end, they decide to send themselves back to jail because it wasn’t all that bad after all. Not only do we have nice criminals, we have nice criminals who go back to prison of their own accord. So even if they do go to shank Steve McQueen “if things don’t work out right we’ll do it again next year”.

5/5

The Christmas Message

The film opens with the shopkeeper declaring “I have nothing to give except for love and that’s worth nothing” and the film really doesn’t do anything to address this. Maybe the message is that criminals are people too, with their own sad story explaining how they became the crooks they are. Jules’ wife cheated on him on Christmas day after all, who can blame him for horrifically murdering her………hmm. This film might be a little too sympathising now that I think about it. But they play it with a wink and a nod, always letting you know that none of this is direly sincere. In terms of an uplifting message let’s just say this, it didn’t make me feel rubbish. 

3/5

Additional Points

-It really doesn’t leave you with a Christmas tingle -3

-It’s a really great film though +2

-But that’s not what this list is about -2

-yeah but go on +2

-Okay, just -1

Conclusion

If my slight nervous breakdown at the end didn’t give you any clues, I do really love this film. It’s funny, daft, entertaining and just so well acted. For any of you who don’t have that sweet tooth for sugary sweet Christmas films but still want the fun, We’re No Angels should be your first port of call. A great addition to anyone’s new Christmas film roster. 

17/25  

12 Days of Christmas: Day 1 - Frozen

What better way to start this countdown to Christmas than with a film that is in almost no way a Christmas film. It has been posed to me on many occasions that Frozen could be considered a Christmas film, and yes before you ask, that is entirely a fabrication of the truth. One person said that to me once and I said “Probably not though.” and they agreed. However, there are things about Frozen that can feel full of the joys of Christmas but maybe the question that we should ask is Are Winter and Christmas intrinsically linked? The classic western ideal of Christmas is after all snow and reindeer and freezing temperatures. Well let’s break this modern phenomenon down and put it under our patent pending Christmas microscope and answer the all-important question: Is Frozen better than The Polar Express? 

The Christmas Story

Let's play ignorant for a while and act like not a single one of us is in any way aware of Frozen. Two sisters who also happen to be princesses are having a great time. One has magic ice powers and you can just imagine what hi-jinks they get up to. Of course magical powers just cause trouble and it's not long before she accidentally almost kills her sister by firing a big old block of ice into her face. Well because of all that drama, her parents put her in indefinite isolation meaning she can't see her sister anymore. It's a bummer for sure, Sam even wept uncontrollably at the opening of Frozen, that's how affecting this film is, or just how delicate Sam is, either way the whole town is really not in the best of ways. It all ends up with the magic one (Elsa) running away and turning the whole town into ice. In the end the sisters’ love of each other is what saves the town and ultimately, themselves. Now none of that is direly un-Christmassy; love and coming together are two strong themes of Christmas and there is something decidedly Nordic about all of the art direction that does just give you that warm Christmassy feeling. Overall I'd say its message of family sticking together is consistent with the likes of The Santa Clause, Die Hard and the classic It's a Wonderful Life. 

4/5           

The Voice of Christmas

What is better than having a dream and sticking to it no matter how out of reach it is? Olaf, the talking snowman, doesn't really think his dream of seeing summer through. And yet, isn't there something a bit Christmassy about ignoring the consequences and just going with it? We overeat knowing the pain it will cause, we overspend knowing that we will have no money for the rest of our lives and we even oversleep, leaving very little of Christmas day left. Olaf just doesn't care, he is happy and I'll be damned if he doesn't make me feel really Christmassy.

4/5 

The Annoying Kid at Christmas 

But Christmas is annoying. And I'll be damned if you don't also want to punch that snowman off a cliff. You can no longer mention Frozen without it carrying the weight of the zeitgeist it became. Every store in the known galaxy selling every known commodity with Frozen plastered all over it. Olaf is the pinnacle of this. A character that in the context of the film is full of warmth and wisdom but when cast out into the greater scope of the world is just purely annoying. But this category isn't about the most annoying character, it's about that obnoxious brat that gets their comeuppance right at the end as we all collectively stick out our tongues and laugh in their stupid little faces. Olaf doesn't get any comeuppance; he is still roving about this planet getting away with his multitude of sins.

0/5  

The Christmas Miracle

The miracle here is simply that Anna doesn't die. If it were Christmas and someone was about to die and then they didn't, there is no doubt that would be pretty miraculous but really there is no Deus Ex Machina here, it's just love. The power of love is Christmas at its best but really all that falls down when saving Anna makes it summertime again. Frozen seems to suggest that love actually causes the end of Christmas so right there that's an immediate fail. 

0/5   

The Christmas Message

I may be stretching here, but it's clear that the Christmas message in Frozen is that there is no place for romantic love at Christmas. When Anna rushes back to get a kiss from her Prince Charming it turns out he wants to kill her. Then when she thinks, right I'll kiss the other guy I like, that all falls down. No, it's not romantic love, it's family love! Good stuff Frozen.  

3/5

Additional Points

-On closer inspection it turns out that the entire film takes place in Summer -2

-Reindeer, Snowmen & Singing! +1

-It's objectively not better than The Polar Express -1

Conclusion

You know, Frozen is a real gem of a film. It burnt itself out hotter and faster than any film in recent memory and yet, in around two decades Frozen will come back into the public consciousness and we shall say "This isn't half bad". One thing is for sure though, this really, really isn't a Christmas film. It is however a stellar boxing day film or maybe even just a great winter film. It's nice having a film that can slot into a season without being rigidly attached to it.

 9/25

12 Days Of Christmas: The Return

Ah, Christmas. Truly it is the most wonderful time of the year. And what is better at Christmas time than those who you chose to surround yourself with. Films of course! They are responsible for many of our ideals about Christmas; how our food should look on the table, what character defining lessons we should learn before the season is up and even how we should treat crippled children. Frankly, without The Muppet Christmas Carol I would have no idea how to feel about crippled frogs and would most likely push them into ditches. Without Christmas I am almost certain I would be a terrible human being. 

Four years ago, Sam and I wrote the 25 Days of Christmas. Over the course of the month we reflected on our personal favourite Christmas films and the key elements that made them such flawless films to begin with. Christmas was invented so we could hibernate with bright lights and hot food all around us during the bleakest and coldest time of year. And with it seemingly colder than ever I was struck with the sudden inspiration that it has been far too long, and having put this relic of a blog on my Personal Statement it's probably wise that I pretend I still write on it. So join me in this collective lie and revel in our self-imposed hibernation as we look to a fresh new batch of Christmas films and consider their warming qualities. Bear in mind that last time round we covered 25 films so who knows to what dark dank depths we shall have to sink in order to find a beautiful set of 12 shimmering stars in the December sky. But we shall strive so you don't have to.  

This time around I have rallied the troops and gathered some wonderful folks to help us all feel that bit more full of the Christmas spirit. Of course our five classic categories return: The Christmas Story, The Voice Of Christmas, The Annoying Kid At Christmas, The Christmas Miracle and of course The Christmas Message. By the time Christmas 2015 rolls around we shall know once and for all if It's A Wonderful Life is still truly the greatest Christmas Film of all time (It is).  

Look out for the first film on Monday 14th December. So come in, and know us better man.

What We Watched 8th - 15th July 2014

It's been one of those sunny, hot and busy weeks that often lead me to sitting at my computer thinking "Well I should probably write something". Or maybe I just read some journalism for the first time in a good few months and felt like it was something I'd like to do again. What We Watched was always my favourite thing to write. It was like a diary based around culture which to be honest is the only thing I find worth documenting. I did keep a diary for a while, but when I read it back it became apparent the only things I wrote were "Ate some delicious food" and "The film was brilliant" and variations there of. I'm gonna throw in some music and other forms of cultural art pursuits cause hell, films are only 25% of living a good art filled existence.

Picture

My favourite tree is the silver birch. It's a strange statement I admit. I honestly never thought I'd be the type of person to have a favourite tree but hey, it's happened I'm that guy who says things like "My favourite tree". Anyway this wonderful painter called  Julia Wardingley has an entire collection of Silver Birch oil paintings. Maybe I'm a sucker for that bumpy texture you get from oil paintings but just looking at a forest of silver birch trees makes me happy. Promise I won't talk about trees now (trees are so awesome).

Films

The Grand Budapest Hotel

****

When I missed Wes Anderson's new film at the cinema I realised that Orange Wednesdays is still a thing and is apprently incredibly popular. I can't say I was more annoyed that I didn't think it'd be busy or that I didn't even have a code to get the cheaper tickets. Anyway, about six months later and I've finally seen it. Clearly it's a wonderful film. It's a lot like Fantastic Mr. Fox in terms of pacing and a lot like Steve Zissou in terms of tone. The one thing I would say is that it's in no way surprising. It's that same warm comforting Wes Anderson glow most of us love. For better or for worse, it didn't really feel anything but superficially different to the rest of his catalogue. 

Quadrilogy of Documentaries

For some reason documentaries have become something I binge watch. I always watch one and immediately watch at least two more. Yesterday I decided I could think of nothing more enjoyable than staying in bed and watching documentaries about lawsuits, women in media, climate change and  Evangelical Christians indoctrinating kids into the fray...as you do. However I always rate documentaries as films. By which I mean how entertaining and artistic they are as a film rather than just was it an interesting topic. Just pointing a camera at some people and asking some questions for 90 minutes to me does not justify a feature film, you've got to justify the art form you've chosen. Essentially I'd give it 1 or 2 if it was just terrible or with a glimmer of promise, 3 if it was interesting but didn't justify its existence as a film. Chasing Ice has a fascinating topic and the work it puts forward is interesting but the film itself only shows that work. The research is 5 stars clearly, but showing 5 star research doesn't lead to a 5 star film. Finally, 4 or 5 if it's reached that wonderful level of art and fact. Restrepo is a good example. Film is that only way to appreciate the story it tells. 

Hot Coffee - **** Jesus Camp - **** Miss Representation - *** Chasing Ice - ***

Dragonslayer
*****

Writing all that has reminded me of a documentary that I watched a few weeks ago. Dragonslayer is about a 20 something guy who has recently become a Dad and is a skater who decides that skating is all he wants from life. It's hard to explain why I adored this film so much but it is a rare perfect film to me. I know a few people who skate, but not so intimately that I have ever sat in a skate park and forced them to accept me as a groupie. It's a world that has always deeply fascinated me. I have no interest in it as a professional sport (Not that I don't respect it, I just have little interest in any sport) but as a culture it is the most exceptional thing I can think of. Maybe if I myself skated the magic would vanish but as an external observer it is a mythical and exciting world. I just realised I'm rambling. Maybe because I don't understand my infatuation with this culture. Dragonslayer is just awesome. P.S. Filming skaters is the most fun you can have if you've never tried it. 

Carrie (2013)

**

First, I don't like Brain De Palma's Carrie anymore or less than this film. To me, Carrie can only ever be what it is. A short horror novella that turns highschool into mysticism and hyperbole. I just don't think there's much to it as a story. The final scenes after Carrie has been humiliated don't feel cathartic. I want her to kill all those that have wronged her and feel catharsis myself. Transpose all the faces of my childhood bullies onto the enemies of Carrie and laugh at her vengeance. If you'll allow me to go off on a tangent, I think it would be hard to turn a book I don't think much of into a film I think highly of. The only time it's happened to me was with The Hunger Games. I really did not enjoy the book but I think the film is well worthwhile. Writing is very important to me in a book, I can't read a book that has a great story but is terribly written. The Hunger Games has a great world and plot but the writing was so dire I just didn't care. I won't say Carrie is terribly written (mainly because I read it when I was 12) but if the plot doesn't engage me, how can the film engage me?

Songs

I probably spend 50% of my waking hours listening to music however I don't have much skill in writing about it or at least I don't feel my words will help illuminate the good things I see in the music I love. The one thing I can do however is link you to three songs and let you hear the things I enjoyed hearing. If you want to hear me say "Sick Beats" or "Those lyrics made me sad :(" feel free to imagine me saying that as you listen! Also, I can't rate music out of five. It's too short a medium to judge in such strict constraints.