I don’t know how much build up is necessary for this particular Christmas doozy. Christmas Vacation is the third film in the Chevy Chase starring National Lampoon’s Vacation films and, you guessed it, takes place at that most wonderful time of the year. Unsurprisingly Christmas chaos comes cataclysmically quickly causing Chevy Chase cart-loads of…erm, another C word for trouble. So, sit down, be sure to check all those bulbs, pop your Chicago Bears cap on and settle in for the Christmas Vacation from Hell.
National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation
The Christmas Story
Clark Griswold is desperate for a traditional old fashioned family Christmas. Barely 5 minutes into the film you get the feeling that Clark is so desperate for a traditional old fashioned family Christmas that he would do utterly anything to achieve his goal, regardless of safety, decency, his own health and his sanity. Unfortunately for Clark a smooth running traditional old fashioned family Christmas is not on the cards, in fact it’s so far away from the cards that they’re hiding somewhere in the background of a scene in Die Hard. Clark’s various nutty family members turn up and along with a multitude of slapstick silliness designed to test the festive patience of the most ardent Christmas lover, Clark and his family strive through this nonsense to endeavour to have the most mind-bogglingly awesome traditional old fashioned family Christmas ever. 4/5
The Voice of Christmas
Clark Griswold is the face, voice, body and soul of Christmas. It seems that when it comes to being jolly and full of festive cheer nothing can stop him, he knows what he wants and he will stop at nothing to get it. Whether he’s endangering his family’s life whilst out on the quest to get an authentic tree or remaining optimistic in the face of some very annoying in-laws Clark doesn’t falter and even when he gets trapped in the attic he still keeps up the Christmassy cheer by getting all teary eyed at old Christmas home videos. Heck, it takes until a lack of Christmas bonus, and subsequent pool, for him to chainsaw freak out, but even when he’s lost it and brandishing a chainsaw he still maintains the festive spirit and dresses as Santa whilst chainsawing down a tree. He never loses sight of his Christmas mission. He’s like a Christmas version of the Terminator but rather than being on a mission to eradicate Sarah Connor from existence he’s on a mission to make sure everyone, even his Deadbeat Cousin, has the most amazing Christmas. If this year we all take a leaf out of Clark’s book it’s safe to say that this Christmas will be the best, and most chaotic, we will all ever experience. “I Did It” – he sure did! 4.5/5
The Annoying Li’l Girl (At Christmas)
Hold the press! There is an actual annoying girl in this category! Not a man who is silly, or a coke fuelled business man but a bona-fide girl. Clark’s daughter Audrey Griswold, portrayed by a young Juliette Lewis, for me portrays the typical “annoying teenage girl” at Christmas stereotype. She spends most of the film at the polar opposite to Clark, complaining and agitating. She’s embarssed to be seen outside of her house looking at lights, she hates that she is inconvieneced and has to share a bed with her brother, who is played by that main “geek” fellow from The Big Bang Theory, and when her grandpa answers the phone to some boy she well fancies and tells him that she is using the toilet, she freaks and is proper annoyed. Audrey, everybody poops. Towards the end however she does abandon her image somewhat and embrace the chaotic Griswold family Christmas ideals. Joyously contending for totally not annoying li’l girl (at Christmas) award is Cousin Eddie’s daughter Ruby-Sue, especially when she says “Sh!tting Bricks” oh how I giggled. 3.5/5
The Christmas Miracle
There are a fair few miracles at work in this particular Christmas Vacation, if the Griswold’s life is like this all the time it’s quite amazing that they all remain so close and still meet up to have a joyous Christmas and haven’t killed each other to death yet, It’s also pretty damn miraculous that when that squirrel appears in the tree it is able to cause quite so much chaos, havoc, mayhem, panic and confusion. I mean unless I missed the bit of exposition where it was explained that all the family were crazy allergic to squirrels or that that particular squirrel carried the black plague, their reactions to it are a bit OTT. (Wow, analysing a silly Christmas comedy, what have I become!?!) But the real miracle in NLCV is that Clark finally manages to change his boss’ mind and gets him to reverse his newly instated company policy to give him his Christmas bonus. This change of heart isn’t done through traditional festive means, instead it is done by kidnapping, a hunger for a swimming pool, a massive swat team, a wife and a pretty shambolic Christmas. That’s pretty impressive and no one gets arrested. Double Christmas miracle! 3/5
The Christmas Message
Simple, don’t be anywhere near Chevy Chase at Christmas. He may be a beloved American Comedy treasure, but at the festive period him and his Chicago Bears cap only attract trouble, mayhem and exploding cats. Don’t enlist his help, don’t take his advice, don’t give him a staple gun, don’t eat his cousin’s wife’s dry turkey, don’t drive near him and don’t ask him how’s best to put Christmas lights on your house. For a safe, chaos free Christmas avoid Chevy Chase. Ultimate lesson there. Oh, and if he asks for a drum roll, you better damn well give him a drum roll. 2/5
Additional Notes
Elaine from Seinfeld is in it. (+1)
Frank’s boss Mr Shirley is the Flying Dutchman from Spongebob. (+1)
Rusty (The Big Bang Theory fellow) watches ‘It’s a wonderful life.’ (+0.5)
The ironic use of “Here Comes Santa Claus” as the swat team advance on the house. (+0.5)
OVERALL FESTIVITY RATING – 20/25
Tomorrow Elf Cos Joe Recorded it on the Sky+ Box and Needs to Watch it Soon to Free up Space so he Can Record Boardwalk Empire.....What, Can't a Guy Be Honest?
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