25 Days of Christmas: Day Twenty - Home Alone 2: Lost in New York

Evil Dead II: Dead by Dawn, Toy Story 2, Dawn of the Dead, Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior, Lethal Weapon 2 and The Empire Strikes Back; it is very rare to find a sequel that is better than the film that preceded it but when a superior sequel does come around it is a truly joyous occasion. The first Home Alone film is awesome but for my money the sequel Lost in New York is the best of the series. It's bigger, funnier, has Tim Curry in it and the tragedy and hardships that befall The Sticky Bandits is even more extreme than ever before. So, join me as I take a fantastic journey through the second time Kevin's family totally forget to check he was there to join them on their Christmas holidays and he accidentally got lost in New York.

HOME ALONE 2: LOST IN NEW YORK

The Christmas Story

One year on from the events of their tumultuous last Christmas the McCallister family decide to throw caution to the wind and head to sunny Miami for the holiday season. However Kevin, whilst looking for spare batteries in his dad's bag, follows the wrong snappily dressed dad-a-like and boards a plane bound for New York. Kevin disembarks and proceeds to rinse his dad's Christmas savings in the big apple. However the wet bandits have escaped from prison/the phantom zone (see The Christmas Miracle for more) and under their new guise as The Sticky Bandits are keen to pull off a big Christmas robbery, but they don't bank on a certain little boy being their to give them a run for their money. Much like the first film the story isn't exactly Christmassy but over the years it has become such a massive Christmas staple, plus Lost in New York plays a lot more on the idea of Christmas. and it's rad. 4/5

The Voice of Christmas

If this category was decided in terms of actual voice the award would easily go to the sublime Tim Curry, his voice is amazing and shows that even 6 years before the show started he was already making plans for Nigel Thornberry. But in terms of being the Voice of Christmas it has to be the kindly old gent who runs Duncan's Toy Store, Mr E.F.Duncan. The man embodies such lovely Christmas ideals he's very conscientious and looks out for Kevin's interests. Also he donates ALL of his Christmas takings to a local children's hospital, not just a hospital but a children's hospital! that's like good piled on top of goodness covered in a healthy smattering of Christmas kindness. If that wasn't enough he gives Kevin some sweet turtle doves and gives the McCallister family a crap ton of presents come Christmas morning. That is some serious festive cheer and goodwill right there! 4/5

The Annoying Li'l Kid (At Christmas)

Buzz. It's always f**king Buzz. He is such a gonk. He looks like the ultimate mid-90's annoying bully and goshdamn acts like it to. His despicable antics at the school Christmas carol service and his manufactured turn around apology afterwards are prime douchebag tactics. Even on actual Christmas Day when Kevin gets them all an ace hotel room and some even acerer presents Buzz still gives Kevin gip. I sincerely hope that all that Buzz's future holds is misery, heartache, getting some ugly girl he doesn't like pregnant and then getting imprisoned for a crime didn't commit and is shacked up in jail with a guy who boots him straight in the nuts every single day. 4/5

The Christmas Miracle

Marv and Harry can't possibly have been incarcerated in a normal prison, I reckon that their is a secret subplot where it is revealed that Marv and Harry are actually fugitives from Krypton and were imprisoned in the phantom zone only to escape in a similar fashion to how General Zod did in Superman II. How else can you explain how Harry and Marv emerge relatively unscathed from the atrocities that befall them at the hands of little Kevin McCallister. They both fall hard onto the pavement as a result of some beads. Harry in fact falls in a similar fashion on more than one occasion.  They both get punched in the face by a feisty femme. Harry is catapulted high into the air and lands on a car then barely winded carries on, he then has a load of tools fall directly onto his head, as if his head could take anymore it is then set on fire and the problem is exacerbated by a toilet bowl full of explosives that, essentially, cause his head to explode. The ladder Harry climbs then breaks causing him to once again go crashing to the floor. But it's Marv that remains an actual miracle of modern science, how that guy isn't dead is an actual full on unadulterated miracle. He gets 4 bricks hurled at his head from off of a four storey building. four bricks. to the head. madness. he then suffers the painful indignity of having his bum, face and gentleman area staple gunned at high speed. Marv then enters the building only to fall 2 floors down onto concrete where he slips on some slime and has a shelf full of paint tins fall on him, presumably causing him to swallow an awful lot of lead based paint. As if it couldn't get  any worse for Marv he is then electrocuted to such a degree that his skull jumps out of his head. They then both suffer even more catastrophe when a metal drain pipe smacks them in the face, twice, a tool chest smashes them into a wall bending their noses out of shape, they are scorched and burnt by a kerosene soaked rope and then fall a further 3 floors directly onto the pavement. It is little wonder that Marv doesn't remember what happened last year. 5/5

The Christmas Message

If you intend to do anything of a nefarious nature this Christmas ensure without a shadow of a doubt that anyone who may try and foil you is taken out of action. Be they an old man, a young lady, a little boy or, i dunno, two cats. Make sure they are not going to stop you or you will be subject to pain and torment like no other. 

Oh, and don't leave your kids alone in New York I guess. 3/5

Additional Notes

- Kevin has a talkboy. I always wanted a talkboy and always wanted to use it exactly like he did. (+0.5)

- Kevin's eyebrown raise and smirk direct to camera is really damn funny. (+0.5)

- The ironic use of "It's the most wonderful time of the year" when the family arrive at the rain soaked miami hotel resort. (+0.5)

- Aforementioned rain soaked miami hotel is showing a spanish dub of "It's a Wonderful Life" on TV. (+0.5)

- Kevin's favourite first film gangster film gets a sublime Christmassy sequel in Angels with even filthier souls. "Merry Christmas ya filthy animal...and a happy new year." (+1)

OVERALL FESTIVITY RATING - 23/25


Tomorrow Nightmare Before Christmas Coz When Halloween Is Over The Dead Shall Walk The Earth!!!