There are four home alone movies. One that quite simply is a boy home alone. Another that is everyone else at home and the boy in New York but still alone. A third with terrorists and the boy only left alone during the daytime. Finally a fourth that, if memory serves, is set in a mansion. Lets just forget about the latter half and focus our attention over the next two days on John Hughes' family magnum opus all about one boy with the worst luck for getting himself lost and alone.
Home Alone
The Christmas Story
If you don't know the basic plot of Home Alone then ask yourself, what have you done with you life? It must have been translated into at least 5700 of the estimated 6500 languages there are in the World. It stars Joe Pesci and is written by the master of teenage angst, John Hughes. So you really have no excuse for having missed this Christmas classic. If you have missed it then go and buy it now and watch it at least 14 times to make up for lost time. And if you intend to remain as stubborn as you have already, I relent, it's about a boy of about nine who is left home alone by mistake, his family, on holiday in France. You may be thinking that that's not too bad. His Mum will be home in a day or two and all will be well again. However two burglars are targeting his street and Kevin happens to live in the biggest and fanciest of houses. Fortunately for him the burglars are a couple of grade A stooges and Kevin is apparently a Cub Scout holding the badge for best deadly trap setting abilities. As far as Christmas tradition, going away on holiday isn't what I would call festive neither is being left home alone but there is plenty of snow, decorating and over eating in this film to make it somewhat festive. Furthermore, as I have previously mentioned Home Alone is such a Christmas staple that in an odd way just for being Home Alone it is pretty festive. Paradoxes are after all the most festive of fare. 4/5
The Voice of Christmas
The voice of Christmas in this film doesn't reveal himself until the very end but when he does its a doozy. Throughout the film he is depicted as a gnarled decrepit serial killer that can never be pinned down by the police. Kevin is terrified of him. Whenever he sees the man he does his trademark scream and then runs off to hide under some bed sheets. But of course he isn't what he seems. As Kevin sits in church, listening to a practicing choir, he spots the killer in one of the pews and for whatever reason, doesn't run. The geriatric killer turns out to be just a normal lovely old guy who spouts buckets of festive wisdom. He is also open to advice from Kevin and together they figure out their problems. Helping yourself by helping others, wonderful. 4/5
The Annoying Kid At Christmas
Buzz is a massive twat. He is that older brother that does horrible things to you but knows how to do it without your Mum noticing thus, making you look like a total gonk. In our family it was actually my sister that did this more than my brother but dude, I can sympathize. Buzz however never really gets his just desserts. Sure his room gets messed up and Kevin steals a lot of his money but Kevin will get shouted at for that not Buzz. Buzz gets off pretty much scot-free and he is the biggest douche in the world. Un. Fair. Lets hope he has a most depressing future. 3/5
The Christmas Miracle
I don't know if Marv and Harry have had their bone structure replaced with adamantium like Wolverine but they can certainly take a lot of pain. Harry gets his head set on fire, gets shot in the nuts, burns his hand to a crisp, gets turned into a chicken, is hit by a paint can, trips, slips and is beaten with a crowbar. Marv (the star of both Home Alone movies) gets shot in the head, falls down some stairs, gets smashed with an iron on the forehead, gets a nail through his foot and then falls down some steps again, slips, walks on glass ornaments, is also hit by a paint can, has a massive tarantula placed on his face and swings into a brick wall. In the end they are both clobbered with a spade and yet the wet bandits walk away from all of this seemingly as spry and competent as ever. 5/5
The Christmas Message
Maybe you should leave your kid alone once in a while, it actually seems to do Kevin a lot of good and in turn Kevin catches some bandits. When I have kids I am gonna send them to get the milk in the supermarket and then just run off to Alaska. I'll come back two weeks later and she/he will be the next Ray Mears. 2/5
Additional Points
-I haven't even mentioned that John Candy is in this film. The Story he tells Kevin's Mum to cheer her up is quite simply amazing. +2
Overall Festivity Score 20/25
Tomorrow Home Alone 2: Lost in New York Cos Catherine 'O'Hara Never Learns Her Lesson
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